When Fear and Anxiety Worked on My Behalf
For the past two months, I have been sharing my fears and insecurities towards the decision to participate in a race. Today was the big day …
I am so proud of myself! Not only checked one more item from my goal list but I also realized that there are no limits to my dreams. I had a notion of it, but this time was different. Why?
Because it all happened when I changed my way of thinking. There was no exterior factor influencing this goal. It was all about me! This phrase sounds selfish but it’s the big accomplishment one can earn.
It was my determination, my willpower to do something for me. I trained in the cold winter, in the snow, in the rain, at night, in the morning. There was no excuse … I had to work longer some days, I felt tired or slept badly, but still, I found the strength to go out and run and kept up with other activities and duties. Actually, I was more productive in the past two months than in the past two years.
The race was supposed to be a way to celebrate my new healthy lifestyle, so my expectation was only to finish the run.
Being a reader, I read a book that was supposed simply to inspire me because it was written by someone in the same situation as me: a foreigner running in Japan. The other way around happened, it made me more anxious and insecure about running here. So, I had to find ways to step forward … I didn’t want to be the last one. Even if it was just for fun, the thought of finishing the race after the scheduled time haunted me.
This new fear gave more value to the race, so my approach changed from fun to a serious activity. I invested in gear and training, which was not on my original plan!
The 22 Honjo Waseda Forest Cross Country and Half Marathon
The race kit arrived last week. Even with my poor knowledge of Japanese Kanji, it was pretty clear that:
- I was the only Brazilian on the race. Five foreigners on the total.